3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
