Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
