And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
