Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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