Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
