I feel like I'm in dance class right now
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
