At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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