just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
