I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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