someone get that fucking seahorse.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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