i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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