I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
