had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize