Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
