I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
