I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I think I sprained my soul last night
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize