Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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