I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
