just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize