hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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