Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
