god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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