just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
