That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize