Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
