its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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