I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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