Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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