I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
