Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
