i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
