yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It's shark week go big or go home
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize