he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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