you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Randomize
