You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
