I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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