i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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