And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
