the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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