dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
