I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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