Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize