my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
