I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize