I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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