I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
