i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
