Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
