He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize