Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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