ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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