Your tits are I can't wait for
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
