I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
