Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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