We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
