That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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