No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
