the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
