Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
