You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
