i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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