you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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