I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
As shirtless as possible
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just high enough for therapy.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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