She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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