My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i out mim tonsoeep
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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