STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
