Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
