it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
