Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Randomize
