it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize