Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
