Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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