the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
