She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize