He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
two words: eviction party
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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