we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
