Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
