You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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