something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
