I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
