our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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