and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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