She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
