i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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