every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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