Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
