My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
