is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
