Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
im holly from the hills drunk
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
