I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
