You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
