I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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