I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
