i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
