Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
