every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
