I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
