1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize