I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
