Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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